Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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