I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
