if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
