first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
