4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
