I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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