Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
