I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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