His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
