it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
