I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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