I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You ate ashes out of my bong
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
