i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
