His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
