Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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