ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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