Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
