I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
