there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
