I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
