I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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