You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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