Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
