If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
