whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
