I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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