I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
