I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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