TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
