What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
