I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
