I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
