when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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