dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
