At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
