i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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