I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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