P.S. I can't hear my feet
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
