You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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