I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
