I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
