Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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