This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
