Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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