I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
