she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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