Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
