just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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