brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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