the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
