Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
