My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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