Michael Bay diarrhea
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
