fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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