bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
