For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
