she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
