his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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