evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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