The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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