I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
