So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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