sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
