Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
