is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
