i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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