i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
