i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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