My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize