he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
