Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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