So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
