Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize