he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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