dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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