Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
