Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
