Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
