Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
