I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
