I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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