that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
