i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
