SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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