Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize