so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
