She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
