I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
